*Vulnerable Post Alert*
Last May, I started having these weird, awful headaches every day for more than a week straight. Long story short, I was in and out of the ER more times than I could count and many tests were done. With Covid going on, it was definitely an anxiety provoking time, not knowing what was wrong. It also didn’t help knowing that my Dad passed away from a Brain Tumour. Days turned into weeks, which turned into months. I wasn’t able to go to work as the headaches became that disabling.
Fast forward 9 months – thanks to the power of rest, medication, and therapy – I’m doing much better than I was at the beginning of all this. Sadly the headaches still persist and are now deemed as ‘chronic tension headaches’ with no specific cause. So as I continue to accept and move forward in this healing journey, I realized that I’ve been so stuck, focussing on all the bad things in my life – things that made me so incredibly fearful and anxious.
Since my dad passed and until now, I feel like it’s been one thing right after another. I couldn’t catch a break. I just felt so exhausted and defeated by my own body.
Then one day, something got to me. I got to a point in asking myself, “ok so… what now? What if I don’t get answers anytime soon? Sitting here and pitying myself isn’t doing anything good”. It took some time to get to this realization but I knew I needed to shift my mindset. This is when I wrote this down:
“From the lowest of valleys, to the tops of the tallest mountains, we can find beauty in each circumstance. We just need to be intentional about it. I might feel stuck in my current situation BUT, I know that this is only yet another chapter in my life. It is NOT my whole story”.
I continue to firmly believe that God stays faithful and true. He has a purpose for everything and every situation, even when things don’t work out how we’d like them to. Yes I’ve been put on another detour but this part of my life has actually helped me understand more of what it means to be patient, that time helps you to heal, and that our bodies are always communicating . This bad situation has helped me learn how to seek what is still GOOD even within the chaos of the past couple months and also within the last 7 years since my dad passed.
Learning to become more vulnerable through blogging about personal life struggles & lessons, to creating sentimental handmade pieces like my candles – I want to encourage others to also seek the beauty in life, even in the midst of ALL the chaos in the world. These are tough times that we’re living in but what’s going to happen if we let fear & anxiety fester. We need to help one another find ways to spark joy & gratitude. And this is what I hope Beauty In The Chaos does. Additionally, I believe in the positive ripple affect that takes place when we give back. So every purchase made from Beauty In The Chaos will go towards a local charity to help those who are most vulnerable & marginalized. Right now, I am continuing to fundraise for Missionary Ventures Canada and the Children’s Home in Iquitos, Peru that they are planning to have open by the end of 2021 for abandoned & neglected children.
So Moral of the Story?
Never would I ever have thought that I would have my own little side business, especially coming from of a time of sickness & healing. But this is yet again another example of how God works in mysterious ways. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, He is always working in the background. There is always a PURPOSE to your struggle and pain, you just need to seek it.
You have got to go through the hard parts in order to get to the good parts. Evidently, life isn’t always fair and there are many “why’s”. But I have made the decision to trade all of my “why’s” into “God, I trust you”. Let God work in your life to do what He needs to do. Whatever kind of journey you’re on, remember that this chapter in your life serves a grand purpose – bigger than you could ever imagine. This time of suffering is shaping & moulding you to become a better and stronger version of you, preparing you for what’s yet to come. During these hard times, try to seek all that is still GOOD in your life. Take this time to reignite your passions and do more of what makes you happy. And maybe – just maybe, this happiness will become so contagious that you start to influence those around you.
With Love & Gratitude,